There’s a difference between healthy conflict and hostile conflict. Healthy conflict includes not just what we say to someone with whom we are experiencing conflict. It also applies to what we say to others about that person.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption” (Ephesians 4:29,30).
The Greek word for “unwholesome” means “rotten, putrid” like spoiled garbage or the stench of vomit. If we have a conflict with person A, God says that vomiting all over people X, Y and Z by venting to them about person A grieves him.
The stretch of our rotten words —like vomit—wrenches his gut and heart so much that he should get sick. But he holds it together, because he has sealed us in our salvation.
You are redeemed and forgiven, purchased unconditionally with a price paid by Jesus. “When he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).
Jesus knew the secret for stopping his own potential “unwholesome talk.” Jesus trusted his Father, who always takes care of business. Repent as a redeemed child of God and now do this: Connect instead of complain.
Jesus says in Matthew 18 that when someone sins against you, your first step is not to post on social media or tell your friends. Your first step is to go directly and personally to that person. This is true even if there isn’t obvious sin, but division or disagreement.
Connect with them. Seek to understand what’s important to them. Ask curious questions. Listen in love without judgment.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31,32).
Forgiveness is freedom. Not just when you are forgiven, but when you forgive others. Forgiveness accepts the price that Jesus paid for anybody’s sins. Forgiveness helps us “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander.”
Can you think of a person right now who you complained about recently? Ask for their forgiveness. Then feel the stress relief. Watch the devil flee and the angels rejoice. Love always wins. Always.
When there’s conflict, connect instead of complain. I guarantee you’ll learn something or understand the other person in a new way.
PRAYER: Jesus, teach me to handle conflict in a holy and healthy way, and to connect with someone instead of complaining about them to others. Thank you, Jesus, for swallowing unwholesome talk when you died on the cross, and forgiving me for the purpose of a new and holy life. Amen.
TAKE THE NEXT STEP: Is there ever a situation where it is holy and healthy to tell another person about someone with whom you’re in conflict? Discuss.
